I hold you in my heart
by ShadeDawn
Summary: Clare and Eli's relationship is on the dumps. They keep on fighting and it seems that everything is falling apart. Her initial love for him is then replaced by intense passion for someone else; Fitz. SECRET RELATIONSHIP. FLARE Read more to find out :D
1. Chapter 1

FLARE FANFIC - DEGRASSI

Hey guys this is my first DEGRASSI FANFIC.. Hope you guys like it and pls. RnR

Please Review and tell me if I should continue with this story

Thanks again :D

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi**_

I wish I did though, but unfortunately I don't have the brilliance and creativity to create such an awesome show that's full of drama and issues people face in daily basis. :D

This is set after Jesus, etc. part 1

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><p>"Fitz found God? Do you really believe him! That guy's a psycho. He tried to kill me and all you do is give him false hope and your forgiveness." Eli ludicrously said.<p>

I always believed in second chances and I think Fitz has really changed.

"Eli what is your problem? I mean I know you're mad at him but that doesn't mean he'll never change." I firmly said, my voice rising unexpectedly.

"Your the one getting mad? I should be the one mad at you for taking his side and not your boyfriend's."

Sometimes I wondered why I was in love with this doofus. He was incapable of change and we definitely had different views.

"You know what? I'm done" I raised both of my hands in disbelief and left him outside.

I walked back to class and tears are falling down my face. I can't believe what I just did. I took out my books for the day and got in English class. I didn't want to sit next to him, especially since we had a little fight.

When he came in, I closed my eyes, hoping that he would just leave me alone and not notice me. Luckily, he didn't and I spent my whole day avoiding him and going home.

Friday came and I was ecstatic. I had the whole weekend to avoid my boyfriend. I couldn't handle our fights anymore. Every single one tugged at my heart, and I felt as if my whole world was falling down.

I was watching TV when I heard thunder and then darkness. Great, the electricity's down. I unplugged most of the appliances until I heard a knock on the door.

I carefully opened it and saw the last person I thought I would ever see; Fitz.

"Fitz! What are you doing here?" He was wet from the rain and I noticed some bruises and cuts forming in his face.

"What happened?" I hurriedly asked.

"I fell off my bike and I was passing by when it happened. I knew you lived in this area and I really just don't have anywhere to go"

He looked sad and I felt pity for him.

"Come in." I seriously replied.

"Nice house. Can I borrow some clothes? I'm kinda wet." He said. I looked at him and I saw some sincerity.

"Sure. Wait right here." I climbed up the stairs and took some underwear and clothes from my dad for him to use.

I came back down and I saw him lying down on my couch, snoring lightly. I didn't want him to catch a cold or worse pneumonia so I woke him up. I shook him carefully and he responded with a grumble.

"Here, you need to change and then you can sleep in my room." I looked at him and as he was trying to take off his shirt, he winced in pain.

"I'll help you." I volunteered and started to take off his shirt. I caught myself staring at his muscled chest and defined abs. He must have caught me as well because when I looked at him he just gave me a big smirk.

I took off his belt, and unzipped his pants. It was awkward to say the least. I just closed my eyes and did it, when I opened them, he was in his green plaid boxers and a certain something was clearly showing.

I turned around, "I wont look. Change your clothes and then you can go upstairs to get some rest."

I waited, and as I grew impatient I turned back to face him when he suddenly approached me and pulled me in for a kiss. The kiss was so passionate and intense that I had no choice but to kiss him back.

That was a lie. I had a choice, and I acted accordingly.

"Wow." I managed to say out of breath.

"I wanted to do that since Vegas Night" He replied, smiling.

I was happy but realization struck me, I was dating Eli and I loved him. Well sorta, after everything we've been through I would lie to myself if I said that I loves him wholeheartedly.

"Fitz, I'm dating Eli." I firmly said and I wished I didn't have to but he needs to be reminded of the truth.

"He doesn't have to know. We can do this behind his back, we won't tell him until your ready." Fitz proposed.

I don't know what got into me but I nodded and agreed.

_2 weeks later_

"Claire, we need to talk. I miss you, when are we gonna make up and be back together?" Eli asked.

"I don't know. When you're ready to admit you were wrong and apologize then I would gladly think about it." I replied.

He started to babble about senseless things such as destiny and how we were destined to be together, I thought otherwise.

I knew it should be the opposite, that I was the romantic one of the pair but when you're in a relationship where things were not working out, you find yourself lost and desperate to be cut off of the said relationship.

Eli did nothing wrong except that his possessiveness kept getting on the way of our true feelings showing.

I didn't love Eli anymore but I couldn't break up with him. After the whole Julia incident, he's so afraid of losing me that he would consider suicide if that happened.

I ignored him and told him I was going to class. He followed me like a puppy and I felt bad, I really did. We passed by Fitz and his group's table and I saw him smiling.

I promised to meet him at the back of the school after classes, a regular event that no one knew except the two of us. It was not only my reputation at stake here. I couldn't care less if I was no longer called "Saint Clare". Fitz on the other hand, wanted to keep his bad boy rep, only showing his true self to me.

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><p>Thanks guys and pls RnR<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Okay so a lot of people have been telling me that the story is too fast paced or that Clare is very OoC. So in this chapter, I will try to adapt my writing style to your preferences and make the story go smoother with slower plot development. I will try to make Clare true to her nature as well.

And I know for a fact that FLARE is very legit and there seems to be a lacking number of them in this site. Hopefully soon, many FLARE writers can change that. Don't get me wrong, I love Eli and Clare, but I feel that Fitz' character needs to develop more in the show and I can find Clare helping him in that area.

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or any of it's characters.

I hope you enjoy and here is Chapter 2.

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><p>"Hey baby, you're finally here" Fitz said as I approached him and gave him a light peck on the cheek.<p>

*Snap.. Click*

"Mark, we need to talk." I hastily but quietly started. I looked down at my feet, afraid that he would get violent and hurt me. I mean he hasn't done anything remotely harmful around me. Since we began dating behind everyone's back, I haven't seen him bullying anyone, or getting suspended. "We have to stop this." I continued. "I can't do this anymore. The guilt is killing me. Eli, Adam, and all my other friends. They won't accept me like this, if we want to be together then there must be another way." I looked into his eyes and they were filled with sadness.

"Well if that's what you want then I can't do anything about it." He touched my shoulders one last time before he left, looking dejected and almost teary-eyed. I was about to call out and stop him but I stopped myself. I fell to my knees crying. "What did I do?"

*Snap.. Click*

"Ha! I've got you guys now. I wonder what the students will say when they find out that St. Clare is not as innocent as they think she is."

I felt like I was in one of those tween movies where the girl refuses a sweet and adorable guy but realizes that she really loves him in the end. I turned my phone on for the first time since the "incident". I saw that I had twenty messages, ten from Eli, five from Adam, and five from Alli.

_E: I know you've been telling me to give you some space but I can't. I miss you clare, please call me._

_E: Clare? Please forgive me for ever doubting your intentions._

_E: Clare? Clare? Please don't do this to me. After Julia, I don't know what I'd do if I lost you too. _

_A.T: Clare, where did you go? I was looking for you after school today._

_A.T: Eli is getting desperate. He's even asked me for help._

_A.T: Can you just end his misery? He's been with me for the past ten days and he's getting kinda clingy._

_A.B: Clare Edwards! You better answer your phone, something big happened. Call me when you get this. Immediately._

I knew this would happen. The day everyone finds out about me and Fitz. I walked around my room, I needed to think.

Should I call her? What if what she's referring too isn't about my secret relationship. Maybe it's an Alli related problem. Yeah, that must be it. I have nothing to worry about.

I picked up the phone and I started dialing her number while I nibbled my fingernails. You can do this Clare. There's nothing to worry about.

_*Ring.. Ring.. Ring..*_

"Oh my God Clare! Thank you for getting back to me hours later." I heard her scoff.

Geez, I don't even remember why I befriended her in the first place. Ever since we became friends, she seemed to think that "our" lives revolved around her. Most of our conversations were either about boys she's currently crushing on or boys that she thought she liked but didn't anymore. Seriously, I loved Alli but sometimes she could be too much.

I mentally sighed.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't realize that my phone was off. So what's up?" I lied.

"Johnny visited me today. After that whole running away drama, we exchanged our number and he texted me and asked me if I wanted to hang out. Naturally, I said yes!" She was squealing. I just laughed at her sudden outburst.

"Okay, I'm not being a negative nancy or anything but Alli, please tell me that you're not planning on hooking up with him again. It didn't work before. I doubt that it'll work for the what? Nth time?" I seriously said. I cared about her. She needed to the truth.

"What? Why are you telling me avoid him? I appreciate your concern but you don't know anything about relationships. Your's and Eli's is already in the dumps and I know you want out."

"Wait? What? Alli. I need time to think. I feel that I don't love Eli anymore but he would be devastated if I broke up with him. Didn't I tell you before that he would on a suicidal rampage when his last girlfriend got into an accident." I was convincing both myself and Alli that staying with Eli would be the best thing for everyone. I didn't want to end a life.

(A/N: Okay, Clare might sound cocky or uber confident about him loving her but that's how their relationship is really portrayed :D.)

"Okay, Clare. Do it your way but I'm warning you, "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." You know you can tell me anything right? I just don't want you to get hurt again, especially after the KC and Jenna thing."

"Wow, quoting Friedrich Nietzsche are we? I know I know, when something awful happens I can count on you. Hey I gotta go, my parents are home and I need to help make dinner. I'll see you later okay?" I turned off the phone as Alli finished saying goodbye. I sighed a breath of relief. We were safe. for now.

After going through the insufferable banter between my parents for the fiftieth time, I was in my bed;restless but somewhat content. I needed to find a way for Eli to fall out of love with me. This way, he won't do anything that might affect other people physically. I could always try being a jerk to him. Nah, he would be convinced that someone was blackmailing me to do that. I pondered the whole night, thinking of countless possible ways for Eli to break up with me. I decided to sleep it off, hoping that in the morning, inspiration will come.

The next day, I went about doing my morning routine: brushing my teeth, taking a bath, eating breakfast, and then off to school.

I enjoyed my long commutes to school. It gave me some "me time" if you know what I mean. I was grateful for all my friends but during my day, I rarely had any alone time. Arriving at school with ten minutes to spare, I rushed to my locker, getting all my books for my morning classes. As I rummaged through a pile of paper, I saw one different from the others. I eyed it weirdly and slowly took it and grasped it in my hand. I flipped it over and I saw a picture of Fitz and I getting intimate at the back of the school. I gasped and I as I panicked, I saw a familiar writing sprawled in the right bottom down corner of the note.

"Looks like St. Clare is not as innocent as she looks. Wonder what her boyfriend will feel about this. Clare. Clare. Clare. When will you learn? Nothing escapes Degrassi. Every secret, every betrayal will be revealed soon enough. If you don't want me sharing this secret of yours to everyone then you tell them yourself. Remember Clare, rumors can kill."

I gasped. I folded the note, hid it in my front pocket and walked very slowly to Fitz' class. He needed to know too. He's the only one I could tell this to. If someone was blackmailing me then he would know what to do.

I quickly took the note out of my pocket and read the message again. The penmanship was vaguely familiar but the writer of the note only wrote a couple of question marks as his/her identity.

Classes were starting and as I peeked through the wooden door, I saw that Mark wasn't there. Disappointed, I turned around and I bumped into someone. As I was about to fall, something, rather someone, caught me.

His sparkling eyes caught mine and we were once again trapped into a moment of lust and passion. He was about to kiss me when Mr. Simpson, the principal, grabbed us both and led us to his office.

"You guys know the rules. No public display of affection. Clare, I thought you were going out with that junior who owns a hearse?"

I nodded. "Well it's kinda complicated. We are currently on a stalemate and I have found myself looking every bit of feelings I have for him."

"So what are you doing in the hallways in a situation with Fitz? And for you Mr. Fitzgerald, why were you late? You do know that three lates equals an absence and one more absence will suspend you for three days, remember? You promised that you would change Mark, what happened?"

"Well Sir, it's not that I was late purposely but -" It was clear that he needed help making an excuse, so I gave him one.

"I was helping him out in one of his subjects. He told me that if he failed one more science test, then he would fail the class and summer school is not an option for him apparently." I tried to sound very sincere and honest. Hopefully, Mr. Simpson believed me.

"Well, if it's coming from Clare, then I believe you. Clare, you should talk to one of the advisers, you deserve some volunteer credits for tutoring Fitz." I was shocked. We got away with it. For the first time ever, I lied my way out of something. I know it's bad to lie and I know it would plague me later but I was just so happy that no one got in trouble.

"Now, go back to your classes and I better not see you guys roaming the halls again." The principal finally said. Mark and I rose from our seats, and as I was about to close the door, I asked him one huge favor.

"Mr. Simpson, can this conversation, not leave the room? I mean I don't mind tutoring Mark but if my friends know, they would persecute me for sure. Thanks a lot."

When we were out his office, Mark just looked at me and shrugged and began to walk back to his class.

I grabbed a piece of his shirt and dragged him to the back of the school.

"Someone is blackmailing me. He or She found out about us." I started. I was really hoping that he would know who would do crazy things like this.

"What?"

"That person gave me a note, and a picture of you and me kissing. What are we going to do?" I asked him as I took out the note and gave it to him, letting him read it personally.

"Hey, I know who's penmanship this is."

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><p>There you go guys, I hope that you guys liked it<p>

Anyways, thanks for all the support, and don't forget to comment, vote, and fan ^.^


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer**__**: I do not own Degrassi and all it's characters, merchandise, and etc. **__**However, I do own this story line.**_

**I just want to thank everyone for all the support that I have been receiving for this story. I also want to apologize for the lack of updates for this story along with my other stories. Thank you for sticking with me through thick and thin and I will try my best to upload more chapters later on.**

**Also a side note, I am kind of having a writer's block for this story (evident by the complete change of pacing of the story through this chapter). Any story ideas would be greatly appreciated. Just PM me and I will gladly respond.**

**I'm sorry for the grammar mistakes and spelling error. I didn't have time to edit this. =D. Enjoy Pleas don't forget to RnR. Thanks**

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><p>Clare's POV<p>

"You lying piece of crap!" Fitz shoved Connor unto his locker. When he told me that it was Connor's penmanship on that note, I couldn't believe it. The first few years in school with Connor were normal and routine; something my former self loved. I could never peg him for the blackmailing type.

"Maybe he's telling the truth. Maybe he really is innocent." I reasoned. I hated seeing Mark like this: tough, loud, and angry. I preferred the soft-spoken and serious side that he showed whenever we were alone. I was busily looking around, trying to make sure that no one was here to witness the abuse.

"Did you or did you not do it?" Mark asked, infuriated by the meek disposition that Connor was showing. Connor whimpered at every word that Mark said. I tried to relieve him from his anger but he didn't respond to any of my touches.

"I did! I did! I'm sorry. I was just so mad that Clare didn't choose me and chose KC and then with Eli. I still love you Clare and I will do everything in my power for you to be mine." He confessed. What? He loved me? Suddenly, I felt pity for him. I couldn't blame for doing what he did. Instead, I kind of felt guilty that I didn't feel the same way.

"Well as long as she's with me, you will never be able to get near her ever again. Are we clear?" He threatened him. That was one of the sweetest things he has ever said to me but it was hard to appreciate the gesture when he was shoving someone unto hard metallic objects.

"Fitz, that's enough. Let him go. I think you already scared the beejesus* out of him." I pleaded. He looked at me with concern and anger still evident on his face. However, after a couple of seconds staying like that, his expression softened and he let Connor go. I smiled and he held my hand and we walked away, not waiting for Connor to rise back up to his feet and leave.

We decided to just ride the bus home since it was late enough for all our friends to see us. After thirty minutes of cuddling, we arrived at the stop near my house. I wanted to invite him back home to have some time for us but it was too late for that. I gave him one more kiss and he left.

As soon as I entered the door, two glaring eyes stared at me. I was initially shocked by my mother's presence. I would have thought that she was on one of her dates. Since my dad left us, she tried to move on relentlessly, going out with every single guy she could come across. The guys didn't have a problem with it because she looked younger than her age. Although this was a blessing, it was also a curse: Guys didn't stay with her long. They all just wanted one-night stands and let's be realistic: No one wants a step daughter that's practically his sister.

"Oh look at what we have here: My little daughter Clare, dating Mark from school. I didn't recall ever agreeing to that. What happened to being honest with each other huh?" her voice intensified as she spoke each syllable. It had a certain condescending tone to it. As much as I wanted to defend myself, I knew that I had nothing to say.

Remember when I said that we wanted to keep our relationship a secret? Well my mother was part of that circle of people. Knowing my mother, she would completely disapprove of our relationship, especially because I told her several accounts of bullying done by Fitz and how I really hated him. I didn't blame her and as much as I wanted to explain to her the situation, I opted to let her digest the information first slowly. She would be upset for a while but I know she'll forgive me sooner or later.

With a sigh, I slowly and quietly walked up the stairs to my room. I dramatically dropped on my bed, hugging my pillow and I started to cry. I could never stand the thought of my mother being disappointed in me. After my dad left, I promised myself that I would try my hardest to be the best daughter ever. Unfortunately, I failed on that promise.

I took out my phone and I dialed one number that I thought that I wouldn't dial anymore. When I started going out with Fitz, I experienced a falling out with my friends except Alli. They would continuously tell me that I've changed but instead of talking about it, I would reject the idea and be mad at them for trying to make me change.

After a couple of rings, I heard his voice answer. "Hello. Claire?" It was clear that there was hesitation in his voice. It was more of shock and not surprise.

"Hi Adam, I know that our friendship has been on the dumps lately but you're the only person I could really talk to and get some advice." I muttered into the phone. Adam was easily the one person who relied on logic than emotion. I knew that he would also be the last to judge because of the situation he had faced. "I'm ready to tell you what's been going on for the past few weeks." I heard no reply. "I'm dating Mark Fitzgerald." Again, there was no response.

"When did this start?" He asked. Instantly I felt relieved because there was no acid or strain in his voice. It was clear that he wasn't judging me. I smiled and told him everything, from the time that Mark came to my house till the part about Connor blackmailing us. "Well it seems like you really love him Clare. I'm happy for you. The way you gushed about him, I never heard you speak that way about Eli at all." He calmly said, although there was a hint of happiness for me in his voice.

"I think you should tell Eli." I sank when he mentioned his name. I knew Adam was being logical and I knew where he was coming from. I really think that it was time for Mark and I to come out to the work and renounce our love. I don't want us to be harassed again or blackmailed by someone ever again.

"I think you're right."

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><p><strong>*Beejesus - It's an urban expression for when something freaky happens.<strong>

**Thanks again for all the support guys and although I may not come through with the updates, I hope you guys will be patiently waiting my return. **


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